Like, I get it. I’m so much better off then hundreds of thousands of people in America let alone the world. I’m doing good.
But is it so wrong to want to feel satisfied? This job does nothing for me. It’s not challenging enough, it’s not actively honing my skills, it’s doing nothing to help further my career. I don’t get enough hours, and sometimes this company feels more like adult daycare than a real workplace.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for and I have no idea where to start and it’s so frustrating. I have no idea where I want to be, I don’t have a goal or an end game. And that makes planing really difficult. All I know is that this job, this path I’m on whatever it may be isn’t going to lead me to everlasting happiness. I’m not a “lifer”. And while moving to Florida and working with Disney has been amazing and I do not at all regret it, I need something that feels less… I don’t know. I really don’t have the words for it.
I have never and (probably never will be) satisfied with my college years in terms of actually being in actual school the way you’re “supposed to” enjoy college and I’ve accepted that so I guess a lot of that pressure to feel successful has fallen on my work and I’m really not feeling entirely progressive where I’m at. And it’s hard to become progressive while still working on a degree but I feel like if I could at least get a job closer to what I think I want to be doing post-degree I would feel more satisfied, feel more accomplished, feel less like I’m just working to pay the bills (which still are in the red) and working more for myself and the improvement of myself. And that’s what Disney was when I first arrived. I did it for me! For my improvement, my enjoyment, my personal progression! It was a big step, a big event in my life that I did solely for myself. And though terrifying it felt so great. This current job is not for me, this is for the bills, and I am not invested in it.
Is that wrong? It feels somewhat ungrateful. I do like my job and the people, but it’s just not… It.
I need to figure out what It is, this is the next step. Just gotta keep researching and talking it out. Got plenty of people to help me, thankfully.